You may feel like an outsider in your family... but maybe you're a lineage healer

You may feel like an outsider in your family, but you’re actually a lineage pattern breaker, and that means that you’re taking a stand for healing the pain. You’re taking a stand for supporting the children in the family to grow up healthy and whole. You are taking a stand for them not having to give up parts of themselves to be acceptable and welcome.

You are taking a stand for the welcome and belonging of the child that still lives in you.

You may feel like an outsider in your family, but that just reflects your certainty about how you feel. You know what you don’t want. You can see it happening. You don't want to go along with how things are. You’re sure of this. Even if you’re not sure what it looks like to do it differently.
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You may feel like an outsider in your family, but you wonder what else is possible. You wonder what freedom from pain would make room for in your life. You sense that there is more connection, more care, more freedom, and more belonging available. You wonder what life could be like without the repetition of the painful behaviors, avoidance of responsibility, and poor coping mechanisms that are the root of the shared family pain.

You may feel like an outsider in your family, but you feel tenderly toward your child self that understood the world to be harsh, uncaring, and critical. You don’t want to push her away anymore. You are sensing her need for comfort, acceptance, and care, and you really want to show up for that. You suspect there is much to be gained by seeing her in a new light.

You may feel like an outsider in your family, but you find that you keep repeating the same sorts of relationship dynamics with other people. You’re figuring out that the early relationship training that happens in families runs deep, and that you need some new skills in order to have the kinds of relationships that you want. This is powerful.You are claiming that you want something other than what you were trained to have.

You are getting in touch with your agency.
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You may feel like an outsider in your family, but you have begun to recognize and believe in your own value. You are starting to think that some of the things you grew up believing aren’t really true, aren’t really about you, aren’t yours to carry. You are finding that there is more room than you thought for you to figure out who you really are, and that maybe those who told you who you were early on weren’t correct.

You may feel like an outsider in your family, and you may wish they would see what you see. But they might not want to. That only makes you feel like more of an outsider, and it brings up the grief. They can’t see what you see. They see the world differently. It’s both true that it means that a unique part of you is alive and well inside of the training you’ve had to be who someone else wants you to be, AND that it can feel really sad to acknowledge this.

You may feel like an outsider in your family, but you are resisting being who they want in favor of being who you are.
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That’s powerful. It’s befriending your agency. It’s claiming your birthright to be yourself.

This article is cross-posted with Substack