I often write about the big picture, the ways we are connected to nature and the archetypal forces of both nature and the Mothers. And I know that these writings do not always contain helpful pointers, scripts, or step-by-step strategies. I think there are enough life and parenting hacks in the world, and I trust that’s not what you need if you’re still searching for some kind of answer to what ails you.

I am writing for those of us who do not want to be told what to say to our kids when they’re having tantrums, but instead are trying to find a different way of being part of our family entirely. We’re looking for the path no one else has laid, because ours is a necessary path for our particular family line, given the harms we have caused, the harms we have endured, and the needs of the individual people in our family ecosystem. We need a new support structure, a new foundation, a new perspective, and we are the ones who want to bring it.

And while Landscape of Mothers can sometimes help in the practical day-to-day realm, I know that there is no one right way to do life or parenting. Each person, each relationship, each family has their own unique skills, tools, gifts, coping mechanisms, and traumas. And while there are themes, because of the interlocking complexities, there is no one right answer. There is no ubiquitous plan that will ensure the academic, relationship, and future financial success of your child or family.
​

I would argue that who we are is a much more important legacy to leave our children than anything else we can give them. The world is changing rapidly and new technology (and new problems) will arise that we could never have guessed at. And so our biggest gift to our children is to see, articulate, and nurture in them their connection to who they are. We can trust that they are becoming the people they need to be for the world that is ahead of them. And that what they most need is our having seen and valued them as they human beings that they are, so they trust themselves.

I’m trying to say that it’s great to have scripts and hacks and behavior modification tools, but those are only useful insofar as we know where we want them to take us. If we aren’t using these tools to help our kids be the most themselves they can be, what are we doing? Are we using these tools to get them to comply with what we want? Or are we using them to manipulate? Or to control?

And this is where the larger vision of Landscape of Mothers comes in. And it’s why I talk more about perspective and intent and the systems of the natural world than how to deal with a toddler tantrum. Because there are a bunch of ways to deal with a tantrum, and the “best” way is going to be the way that your nervous system can meet them where they are. You can’t really think your way through relationships, you have to be present, you have to feel them.

In Landscape of Mothers we recognize that how you deal with your child is rooted in a bigger vision of what you think your role is as parent. It includes your sense of responsibility for your child’s inner experience, and what you consider important and desirable traits as your child grows into an adult. So parenting isn’t really just about how we raise our kids, it’s who we are when we spend time with them and who we tell them they are. When you’re really clear on your parenting intent and framework, it’s much easier to choose the appropriate tactic you want to take around the behavior of your child. ​

Landscape of Mothers maps to the Wheel of the Year, and this post solstice, post-flurry of celebration and gatherings, drops us into a liminal time. In the US we follow this quickly with a celebration of New Year's and getting on with our productivity as fast as we can, but nature doesn't skip this protracted down time. In the winter the shortest day is followed by the coldest part of winter. Darkness persists, even if the sunlight is on it's way back. The sky is still muted and soft, the cold snaps are real and deep, and life is still moving in the quietest and slowest of ways. 

This liminal time, between the lengthening of the days and the warmth it will eventually bring, is a recalibration time. We are invited to scale back, to tend to the things that are necessary, but no more and no less. 

Sun and Moon Mother is connected to Forest Mother through the mycelial network, the tending of the underground connections. In fact, Sun and Moon Mother's work is to nourish this network, which is how we are connected both to ourselves and others. It is the time of tending to our nervous system. The invitation is to slow down and rest, to be introspective, and to particularly notice what nourishes us.

Without taking this down time of winter, we become perpetual motion machines. It's easy to get busy pushing forward with what we have been doing. We forget to check in with ourselves, pausing to see if we're still headed where we want to go. Instead of using our energy to go after what we want, we often end up focusing on external expectations and demands. 

Where am I meeting other people's expectations rather than my own desires?

In the way of Sun and Moon Mother, I am not offering a Dionysian free-for-all, but instead a measured consideration of how to use the life-force energy allotted to me. 

What if I placed my desires inside of the context of my beloveds? What if I turned my attention to tending the mycelial network in order to fulfill my desire? How can I meet my own wants through tending rather than taking? And how does perceiving my desires through this lens change what I want? 

And last, but not least, how does Sun and Moon Mother deepen in me through this inquiry? What does it mean for my nervous system to be "regulated"? What needs to be in place for me to feel "regulated"?